Skate Through the Struggle: Building a Growth Mindset in Youth Hockey (With Help from Dweck, Huberman & Kobe)
“Becoming is better than being.” – Carol Dweck
We’ve all been there. Sitting in the cold rink, clenching the coffee cup, watching our kid miss another wide-open net. And in that moment, we feel the reflex — “He’s just not a goal scorer.” Or “She’s not aggressive enough.” But here’s the thing: that thought is the exact opposite of what science, psychology, and one of the greatest basketball minds of all time would recommend.
If you want your young athlete to truly grow, thrive, and love the game long-term, you need to parent with a growth mindset.
Let’s break it down, with a little help from Carol Dweck (the pioneer), Dr. Andrew Huberman (the brain guy), and Kobe Bryant (the Mamba).
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1. Fixed vs. Growth Mindset (and the Danger of “You’re So Talented”)
Carol Dweck, Stanford psychologist and author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, defines growth mindset as the belief that skills and abilities can be developed through effort, learning, and persistence.
“In a fixed mindset, students believe their basic abilities, their intelligence, their talents, are just fixed traits. … In a growth mindset, they understand that their talents and abilities can be developed through effort, good teaching, and persistence.” – Carol Dweck
When your kid hears “You’re a natural defenseman!” or “You’re not a goal scorer,” their brain starts to attach identity to outcome.
They stop taking risks. They avoid the hard stuff. They plateau.
Instead, praise effort, grit, and process. Say, “I saw how hard you worked in the corners,” or “You kept trying even after that tough shift.”
We’re not raising a stat line — we’re building a mindset.
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2. What Huberman Says Happens in Their Brain
Neuroscientist Dr. Andrew Huberman (Stanford) explains that when we reward effort, the brain releases dopamine—the chemical of motivation.
“When we reward the effort, the process, not just the outcome, the brain builds circuitry for long-term motivation and grit.” – Dr. Andrew Huberman
Translation? If you only cheer when they score, you’re accidentally teaching the brain, “This only feels good when I win.” That kills drive.
Instead, when your child struggles and you say, “That was hard, and you kept going. That’s huge,” their brain gets hooked on effort.
Huberman calls this dopamine tethering — teaching kids to associate the feeling of reward with the process itself. Not just the trophy.
This is how you build players who love the game even when they’re stuck on the third line.
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3. What Would Kobe Say? (Hint: He’s Not Handing Out Participation Ribbons)
“Everything was done to become a better basketball player. Everything. Everything. And so when you have that point of view, then literally the world becomes your library.” – Kobe Bryant
Kobe’s version of growth mindset wasn’t soft. It was deadly focused. He saw failure as feedback. He embraced losses as tools. He was obsessed with improvement — not just dominance.
If your kid is serious about getting better, Kobe’s Mamba Mentality offers the perfect mindset:
• Curiosity: What can I learn from this shift?
• Responsibility: What’s in my control?
• Consistency: How do I show up every day, not just game day?
This isn’t about being nice or coddling them. This is about raising resilient athletes who chase growth — not just glory.
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4. Coaching from the Stands: Growth-Minded Parenting in Action
Here’s what growth mindset sounds like at the rink:
Fixed Mindset
🗯️ “You’re just not aggressive enough.”
🗯️ “You’re either born with good hands or you’re not.”
Growth Mindset
✅ “Aggression is a skill you can train. Let’s watch how the captain pressures the puck.”
✅ “Let’s do 5 minutes a day working on puck control this week. You’ll be amazed.”
Growth mindset doesn’t mean ignoring struggle or over-praising. It means coaching your kid’s brain to embrace the process.
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5. Teaching Your Kid to Love the Suck
Here’s a tip from Coach Lee: Don’t hide the struggle — highlight it.
“This is hard. That’s why it matters.”
Carol Dweck found that kids praised for effort kept solving puzzles longer. Kids praised for being smart quit early when it got hard.¹
So if your kid gets demoted, loses ice time, or doesn’t make AAA, don’t treat it like a crisis. Treat it like a chapter.
The suck is where the story gets good.
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6. Game Day Reminder: It’s Not a Test, It’s a Training Ground
One shift doesn’t define a player. One game doesn’t define a season. Your job as a parent isn’t to be a judge — it’s to be a mirror. Reflect back their resilience, not their stat sheet.
Huberman reminds us that the brain is always learning — even in stress.
“Neuroplasticity is strongest when there is focus and emotional intensity. That means failure and frustration are actually prime moments for growth — if we respond well.” – Dr. Andrew Huberman
So don’t rescue your kid from the hard stuff. Reframe it. Reflect it. Reinforce effort.
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7. Final Shift: What Kind of Parent Do You Want to Be?
Be the parent who helps their kid become addicted to learning — not winning.
Be the voice they hear in their head when they fall short — the voice that says, “Good. That’s where the growth lives.”
And if all else fails, channel your inner Kobe:
“Rest at the end, not in the middle.” – Kobe Bryant
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🏒 Quick Tips for Growth Mindset at the Rink
• 🚫 Don’t say “You’re a natural” — say “You worked for that.”
• 🎯 Praise effort, not just goals.
• 🧠 Understand that dopamine follows what we reward.
• ❄️ Embrace mistakes as reps.
• 🧊 Stay cool. Don’t let scoreboard emotions hijack your feedback.
• 📈 Reframe setbacks as setups.
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Final Whistle
Hockey is hard. That’s why we love it. If it were easy, we’d all be playing shuffleboard in Naples, Florida.
But growth mindset isn’t just a buzzword. It’s a science-backed, Mamba-endorsed, rink-tested parenting tool. One that can turn cold arenas into classrooms and car rides into coaching sessions, as long as your athlete is fed. A hangry athlete is an athlete that no matter how good the coaching is … they will not retain it.
So the next time your kid fans on a breakaway, take a deep breath, sip your rink coffee, and say something only a growth-minded hockey parent would say:
“You learned something today. Let’s keep building.”
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🏒 Sources:
1. Dweck, C. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.
2. Huberman Lab Podcast, Episodes 5, 19 & 37. https://hubermanlab.com
3. Bryant, K. (2018). The Mamba Mentality: How I Play.
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Want more tools like this for hockey parenting, mindset coaching, and not losing your mind during a 7-1 blowout?
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