Hockey Dad Hacks: Self-Care Tips for Staying Calm When the Scoreboard Is Not Going Your Way

Let’s face it: there’s a special kind of rage reserved for watching your kid’s hockey team get flattened on the ice while you sit in the stands, gripping a strong coffee and trying not to scream something that will get you kicked out of the rink—or worse, judged by the mom in the North Face parka, Ugg boots and Burberry scarf two rows down.

This is not about the team losing a nail-biter in overtime. No, this is about the 8-1 beatdowns. The “our goalie forgot he had a glove hand” games. The “why does the other team skate like they’ve been training in Russia since birth” kind of games. “Did our defense even pay attention at just 1 of our 3 practices this week” kind of games. These moments test your resolve as a parent, a sportsman, and frankly, a human being with blood pressure.

Let’s chat about it.

This article is a deep dive into self-care for hockey dads. Because yes, even we need it. No shame here. This isn’t just about breathing techniques (though there will be breathing). It’s about managing expectations, protecting your relationship with your kid, keeping your mental health intact, and maybe—just maybe—finding peace while your team gets their preverbal butt handed to them.

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Table of Contents

1. The Real Reason It Hurts When They Lose

2. The Scoreboard Is Lying to You

3. Hack #1: Become a Delusional Optimist (Strategically)

4. Hack #2: Find a “Dad Buddy” Who Won’t Let You Spiral

5. Hack #3: Pre-Game Zen (And How to Fake It)

6. Hack #4: Post-Game Debriefs Without Ruining the Ride Home

7. Hack #5: Remember You’re a Fan, Not the Coach

8. Hack #6: Schedule Your Outbursts (Privately, Please)

9. Hack #7: Reclaim the Fun—For You and Your Kid

10. Hack #8: Don’t Let the Scoreboard Follow You Home

11. Hack #9: Hockey Isn’t Therapy, But Therapy Helps

12. Final Face-Off: Why Staying Calm Is Your Legacy

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1. The Real Reason It Hurts When They Lose

Let’s start here, because you can’t fix a leaky pipe if you don’t know where the water’s coming from.

It’s not just the loss.

It’s that you care so damn much. It’s the early mornings, the private lessons, the camps, the new stick that cost more than your first car. It’s knowing how hard your kid worked and how much it mattered to them—and watching it not pay off.

It’s also, if we’re being honest, a little bit about you. About how this game, this team, this dream sometimes feels like your second shot. Even if you never played. Even if you just wish someone had believed in you like you believe in them. For a deeper dive in this subject see my previous article.

It’s perfectly okay. It’s human. But now we name it so we can move past it.

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2. The Scoreboard Is Lying to You

Here’s the deal: the scoreboard tells you who scored more goals. That’s it.

It does not tell you:

• How hard your kid tried.

• What kind of teammate they were.

• Whether they improved.

• If they got up after being knocked down.

• What their body language was towards the refs, the coach, and the other team.

The scoreboard doesn’t know that your kid volunteered to play defense for the first time when others didn’t want to. Or that they stayed on the bench instead of punching a chirpy winger in the teeth. Or that they passed instead of selfishly forcing a bad-angle shot.

The scoreboard doesn’t show the growth. But you can.

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3. Hack #1: Become a Delusional Optimist (Strategically)

When your team’s getting buried 7-0, this is the moment to channel your inner Ted Lasso. The mission? Find one thing to feel good about. Believe even when there seems like there is no hope.

Examples:

• “Hey, we’re only down by two… touchdowns.”

• “Did you see that backcheck? That was NHL-level hustle.”

• “Our goalie stopped one! And technically it was a breakaway!”

This isn’t about lying to yourself—it’s about training your brain to look for what matters.

Optimism isn’t denial. It’s the choice to fight and never give up.

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4. Hack #2: Find a “Dasher Buddy” Who Won’t Let You Spiral

You need one guy in the stands who gets it.

He’s the one who looks over after goal #6 and says, “At least our kids aren’t chewing on their mouthguards like last game.” He brings the sarcasm. He brings the snacks. Most importantly, he doesn’t escalate your crazy. He grounds you.

If you’re lucky, he’s also got a stash of TUMS and coffee that doesn’t taste like scorched regret and broken dreams.

Pro tip: If you can’t find that guy, be that guy.

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5. Hack #3: Pre-Game Zen (And How to Fake It)

You can never control the outcome. But you can control how wild inside you get before the puck even drops.

Try these rituals:

• Arrive 15 minutes earlier than needed. Avoid rushing. That’s when the stress monsters start whispering.

• Music therapy: Build a “Dasher Dads Chill” playlist. Bonus points for ’80s power ballads and 90’s hip hop (the clean versions of course, for the kids).

• Breathing: Inhale for 5 counts. Hold for 4. Exhale for 6. Repeat while pretending to scroll on your phone so other dads don’t know you’re calming your nervous system. If you have a smart watch most of them have a breathing function, so you can always go that route.

You are the thermostat for your kid. If you’re boiling, they’ll steam too.

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6. Hack #4: Post-Game Debriefs Without Ruining the Ride Home

This is sacred ground.

The ride home is where careers are made—or crushed. Want to keep hockey in your kid’s life? Say less.

Try this:

• “Proud of you.”

• “How do you feel?”

• “You want to grab some burgers on the ride home?”

That’s it. Even if you want to scream, “WHERE WAS THE DEFENSE?” Don’t.

Let them come to you. And if they don’t? That’s okay too. They’re processing. You should be too.

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7. Hack #5: Remember You’re a Fan, Not the Coach

Unless you’re actually the coach (and even then), your job is to be supportive, not strategize.

Don’t be that dad yelling “CLEAR THE ZONE!” like you’re Paul Maurice and your peewee team just blew a 2-on-1.

Your kid has a coach. What they need from you is:

• Support

• Encouragement

• Pizza and wings after

Save the analysis for beer league recaps. Or your blog. (Hi there!)

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8. Hack #6: Schedule Your Outbursts (Privately, Please)

You’re allowed to lose it—but do it offstage.

My favorite method? 10 minutes on the heavy bag in the basement without the gloves. Just so I remember the outburst. Or another banger is; The Locker Room Scream-Whisper:

• Walk into the bathroom.

• Shut the stall.

• Let out a muffled scream into your parka.

• Follow with a deep breath and a stick of gum.

The goal is release without collateral damage.

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9. Hack #7: Reclaim the Fun—For You and Your Kid

It’s easy to forget: this sport is supposed to be fun.

If your kid is having fun and you’re a disaster, you’re doing it wrong.

Ideas:

• Get silly pre-game rituals going. Custom High-fives, chants, whatever.

• Track your dad stats instead of goals. (e.g., “Only swore under breath twice today!”)

• Take turns picking post-game food spots, win or lose.

If you can laugh, they’ll remember the joy. Even in the 13-1 games.

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10. Hack #8: Don’t Let the Scoreboard Follow You Home

It’s just a “game”, but if you carry the loss into dinner, bedtime, or Monday morning meetings, you’re giving it too much power.

Create a ritual for “letting go”:

• Take off the team hat and place it in a basket.

• Verbally say, “That game is over.”

• Light a candle. Say a prayer. Play some video games. Whatever works.

Compartmentalize what needs to be there and what doesn’t.

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11. Hack #9: Hockey Isn’t Therapy, But Therapy Helps

If you find that your emotions in the stands are… disproportionate, it might be time to talk to someone.

There’s no shame in this. You’re human. You’re carrying stuff whether you want to admit it to yourself or not. Sometimes, your kid’s 2-minute penalty taps into a 30-year-old trauma from your own dad.

Join a like minded men’s group to talk through what emotional opportunities you have seen in yourself. Real help is at our finger tips everyday… it’s up to you to get after it and utilize it. It takes work… real work. Not the work portrayed on Instagram or TikTok work….

Free yourself. Your kid deserves a whole version of you. So do you.

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12. Final Face-Off: Why Staying Calm Is Your Legacy

Here’s the bottom line:

Your kid might not remember every win. They will 100 percent remember how you acted during EVERY loss.

They’ll remember:

• Whether you snapped or smiled.

• Whether you complained or encouraged.

• Whether you made it about you—or stayed grounded in them.

This journey? It’s freaking long. It’s freaking cold. It’s god damn expensive. And it’s Freaking beautiful.

Be the dad who shows up not just with all the gear, but with all the grace.

Because when the scoreboard isn’t going your way, your calm isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom. It’s leadership. It’s love.

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Post-Game Wrap-Up:

You’re doing fantastic. Even when your team is getting annihilated. Keep showing up, keep breathing, and for the love of Bauer—pack an extra hoodie. Rinks are iceberg cold, but your presence? That’s the warmth your kid will never forget.

Namaste my fellow Dasher Dad