Mental Health > Hat Tricks: Helping Your Kid Love the Game, Not Just Win It
By Coach Lee | DasherDadHockey.com
“Where parenting, hockey, and humor come together”
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Let’s get one thing straight:
A hat trick is cool.
Your kid’s mental health is cooler.
I know, that might sound soft in a sport built on crosschecks and chirps. But here’s the truth you’re not gonna hear during warmups: if your kid doesn’t love the game, they won’t last in it; no matter how many goals they score.
We’ve created a hockey culture that’s fast, intense, and full of pressure; from 8U all the way to high school showcase weekends. And while the gear’s gotten better, the emotional load has gotten heavier.
So before we break down tape on their plus-minus, we need to ask something way more important:
How’s your kid actually doing?
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Youth Hockey + Mental Health = A Conversation We Need to Have
The Journal of Adolescent Health reported that over 70% of youth athletes experience some level of performance anxiety, and about 30% show signs of emotional burnout by age 13【1】.
Let me say that again:
A third of kids in youth sports are already burning out before they get their first armpit hair.
In hockey? That number might even be higher, because hockey doesn’t just eat time and money. It eats headspace. It’s year-round. It’s political. And it’s full of expectations kids often can’t name, but absolutely feel.
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“But They Love the Game!”
Sure, they do.
Until they don’t.
Until they feel like they’re letting you down.
Until they’re scared of making a mistake.
Until they start pretending they’re sick because the locker room gives them anxiety.
Here’s the kicker: your kid doesn’t always know how to tell you they’re mentally exhausted. Instead, they say things like:
• “I don’t want to go to practice today.”
• “This game doesn’t matter.”
• “Can I skip spring season?”
Or they start underperforming, snapping at you, or withdrawing.
These aren’t signs of laziness.
They’re emotional warning flares.
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🚨 Early Warning Signs of Burnout
Let’s keep it real. Here are some red flags to look for:
• 😑 Loss of excitement for practices or games
• 💤 Constant fatigue or complaining of mystery aches
• 😠 Snappy, irritated behavior after games
• 😢 Crying over mistakes that never used to bother them
• 🏒 “Forgetfulness” around packing gear (avoidance = anxiety)
If 2 or more of those are showing up regularly, it’s time to intervene; not intensify.
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🔄 Shift from Pressure to Passion
Your job isn’t to make them love the game.
It’s to protect the love they already had.
That means changing the way we talk, act, and support them through both the highs and the slumps.
Here’s how to shift your coaching from pressure to passion:
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✅ Normalize “Off” Days
Even NHLers have off nights. Your kid missing an open net isn’t a tragedy, it’s called sports. Remind them that struggle is part of the deal.
“Everyone whiffs. What matters is what you do next shift.”
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✅ Praise the Process
Instead of:
“Why didn’t you backcheck faster?”
Try:
“I saw you working hard out there. That third shift? Grit city.”
Celebrate hustle. Effort. Attitude. Those are the habits that actually last.
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✅ Create Space for Emotions
Let them cry after a tough game. Let them be quiet. Let them not want to talk about it.
What you say in those moments matters more than any post-game breakdown.
Sometimes the win is just sitting beside them and not talking at all.
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✅ Stop Using Their Performance as a Mood Meter
If you’re only upbeat when they win, you’re teaching them that your love is tied to their stat line.
Be a consistent emotional presence. Not a barometer.
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🛠️ Tricks to Ease Burnout (for Real)
Burnout doesn’t go away with a pep talk. It takes active change. Try these:
🕹️ Downtime Rules
Set weekly “no hockey talk” days. No stats, no line combos, no gear talk.
Let them just be a kid with hobbies outside the rink.
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🔁 Rotate Goals
Help them create goals that have nothing to do with points.
Examples:
• Win 5 battles on the boards
• Be a great teammate on the bench
• Stay positive after a bad shift
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🛏️ Sleep > Skills
This is not dramatic, it’s science.
The Sleep Foundation shows that 6–18 year-olds need 8–10 hours of sleep minimum for optimal performance and emotional regulation【2】.
Late practices followed by early games? You better build in recovery.
Because tired kids don’t just play worse. They burn out faster.
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🧊 Spring Hockey Isn’t a Requirement
Ask: does your kid actually want to play this spring, or are you doing it out of FOMO?
Some of the most consistent, mentally healthy players take a season off, switch sports, and come back fresher and more focused.
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🚘 Bonus: The Post-Game “Mind Check” Car Ride Cheat Sheet
Print this. Tape it to your dash. Tattoo it on your palm if you have to.
After the game, ask just these three:
1. ✅ “What felt good today?”
Gets them in a mindset of gratitude and confidence.
2. ⚠️ “What was tough or frustrating?”
Creates space to process failure without shame.
3. 💡 “What’s one thing you want to work on next time?”
Helps them stay in a growth mindset, not a blame spiral.
Then; zip it.
Let them lead. This isn’t your debrief. It’s their reflection. You’re the Uber driver, not the post-game analyst.
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🧠 Bottom Line: Mental Health Wins Long-Term
Hat tricks are great.
Trophies are cool.
But if your kid loses their love for the game, none of that means squat.
So protect their joy.
Be their rock, not their critic.
Celebrate the bounce-backs more than the blowouts.
And always, always; choose their heart over their stat line.
Is mental health an important factor in your young athlete’s development in your eyes? Let me know what you think or what practices you do with your athlete down bellow.
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